Going against the grain

It was interesting to read about Shane Supple, who has decided to quit professional football at the age of 22, by the sounds of it because he was bored of it. My initial reaction, and I'm sure everyone else's, is to think "What?!?". Being paid a ridiculous amount of money (as he probably was if he was in the first-team squad for a Championship side) to do what a lot of people do for fun, with many opportunities ahead of him, seems like a dream come true. And I guess that's what people think looking in from the outside. However, as Shane himself said, "As you grow up you realise there are other things in life and to be honest, the game is not what I thought it was."

It seems that maybe life isn't just about football, but there's more to it than that. Maybe we should take a leaf out of Shane's book and, rather than just carry on doing what's expected of us, get on with finding out what it's actually all about, whatever that may cost. "People probably think I'm crazy but I'm not going to stay in the game for anyone else, I'm making this decision for myself."

Skating on thin ice

My friend Steve recently made a post about faith, and this reminded me of an illustration I heard a while ago.

Imagine two people, out in the middle of winter, who come to two different lakes, both of which have frozen over. One is apprehensive, and edges out, slowly, but surely, steadying themselves, and forever aware of the ice, ready to get off if it starts to crack. The other is care-free, sprinting out to the middle of the lake, jumping, rolling, and having a great time, with no thought for the potentially-fragile ice sheet below him. Unfortunately for the second guy, the ice is very thin, and begins to crack. Fearless, and trusting that the ice would hold his weight, he is now in extreme danger and the ice soon gives way, and the man is left stranded, without a hope. Meanwhile the other guy, after a while, becomes more confident. As he tests the ice out, he learns that it is solid, that it holds his weight, and knowing this, he trusts it will hold. He runs, he jumps, he skates and dances and does whatever comes to mind, trusting, with good reason, that the ice beneath his feet is solid and won't let him down.

Hopefully you see the parallel, but it's important to say that everyone has their faith in something, whether it be money, a house, a job, family, friends, whatever, and in many circumstances and to varying degrees, this is a good thing - we need to trust to live in community and to plan for the future. But they will all fail at some point, none of them are perfect. We can't even put complete faith in ourselves, as one day we will die and our bodies betray us. For the people whose faith is built on that and nothing less, they will be left exposed when all is said and done. But I believe that God is solid, will bear us up, and is worthy to be trusted.

But this is the other important point. The main thing isn't how strong your faith is. It can be really weak, you can be crawling, on your knees, but if you put your faith in the right thing, then that is what matters. As our faith grows and we learn to trust more, we can move with more freedom, enjoy it more, and learn, receive and give much more, living life to the full, as it was intended to be.

So first and foremost, it's far more important what your faith is in than how strong your faith is, but secondly, once we've found something we can trust in forevermore, we should seek to have a deeper faith, to grow, and to be safe in the knowledge of eternity assured, forever, in paradise.

Goodbye...

I found this today when clearing out some old computer games. I think I printed it out when I found it on the net, at a guess around 2001/2? Anyway, just to confirm, I didn't write it, although at the time I remember thinking I felt the same, but wasn't strong enough to take the same bold step. We did eventually make the split, and it was definitely for the best - life has certainly changed for the better. There will, though, always be a special place in my heart for it.

As you read this I will have already gone. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think we can carry on the way we are. This may come as a surprise to you, as I know we’ve been getting on well, but we have to stop this. Now. You’ve been a big part of my life for a long time, and you have no idea how long I’ve thought about this. It’s been playing on my mind for months and months. It’s hard to explain exactly why I feel the way I do. All I know is that we have to move on.

Oh we’ve had good times. Plenty of them. That time we won the Champions League with Gillingham, the 67th minute winner from Robbie Keane, I remember it vividly. Moore shoots! Frey parries it! It falls to Keane! Goal for Gillingham!!! Ah, the memories.. . but I mustn’t reminisce, they are only memories. Oh, but when I beat my mate Tom 2-0 in the FA Cup final. The look on his face! And when I spent a whole day with you, and we managed to complete the whole season (resulting in winning the domestic treble) in one day. And when you told me that the fans chanted my name after winning the UEFA Cup. And that magic comeback in the Second Division play-off final. And... and.. .oh I love you CM. Some of the most rewarding times of my life have been spent with you. I’m not denying that. It’s these good times that make it so hard for me to write what I’m going to. But it has to be done. It has to.

I mustn’t get caught up in the nostalgia. We’ve had some great times, sure. But we’ve had some bad times too. How about when we managed to get relegated from Division 1? How about when I was sacked after the first three games of the season, even though I had taken Gillingham from the Second Division to the Premiership? And how can we forget the crash of ‘98. I know you remember it too. Yes, corrupted save game file on the eve of the Champions League final. Leicester v. Lazio. We had just clinched the Premiership title, and had a full-strength side for the clash with the Italian giants. But it wasn’t to be. I didn’t see you for months after that! But eventually, as always, I came back. That’s another thing, why do you have to be so addictive? When we were seeing each other frequently, I almost entirely lost contact with my other friends. I’m sorry to bring them up, I know how you hate ‘others’, and that dreaded phrase: ‘social life’. Once upon a time, you had power over me; you began to persuade me to think like you do. I started to truly believe that going out was evil. Staying in with you was good. Looking back, maybe the crash of ‘98 was a good thing. If we hadn’t had that falling out, then who knows where I’d be? I could have no friends, no prospects, no life. You have to understand, you are not the only thing in life. I have other needs that you can’t fulfill. I need to eat, sleep, get exercise. Only now I realize that you used your charms to deprive me of my needs. You were bad for me, Champy, bad.

But why say this now? We’ve been together for over 5 years, why choose to bring all this up? Well, I’ll be brutally honest, I’m afraid that you just don’t satisfy me any more. Oh, it’s not your fault. But up to now I’ve been able to tolerate your flaws. Your possessiveness, your addictiveness, it’s been balanced out by the joy that we used to experience. But now it’s different. When I load you up I don’t feel the same sense of anticipation. When I score I don’t thrust my fist into the air. When I lose I don’t bury my head in my hands. I fear that we’ve been together for too long, and I’m getting, for want of a better word, bored. You’ve been the same for too long, and I need something new. I know how hard this must be for you. I know how hard you’ve tried to improve yourself. The player comparison, the attribute masking. You even went and got yourself a fancy DVD case. These revived us for a short time, but we both knew it was the same old you underneath. Everything around us was changing so rapidly. Ever heard of 3D graphics? Other games went and made themselves compatible with hardware. They took the leap into the unknown. You didn’t. You couldn’t. I can’t really complain, we used to be so happy. I asked myself, why fix something that wasn’t broke? Your inner beauty shone through the rough exterior, it blinded me. All I’m saying is that you were perfect at the time. 3D wouldn’t have suited you anyway. Text has always been your best format. And don’t say that you’ll change, you can’t. It pains me to say this, but you’ve been left behind, Champ. Surely you realize that we were only delaying the inevitable. The more time we spend together, the less excited I get. Everything is the same. Same interface, same engine, same system.

It’s not just this. The little things are starting to niggle at me now: the super-goalies, the last-minute goals, the absence of a decent manual, the lack of interaction. Before, I could tolerate it. I believed your excuses, “They don’t exist”, “They happen to Al managers as well”, “It isn’t needed”, “I’m not capable of doing that”. I just accepted them and played on, little did I know that you were fobbing me off every time. These little details just serve as a reminder to me that you’re just a game, and a flawed one at that. When you came into my life you blew me away. It was 1998, I was young. Your detail, your realism, your entertainment. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before. It put my previous love, CM2, to shame. But as the years have gone by I’ve moved on and so has technology. However you’ve remained the same old Champ. You’ve tried to keep up, but you can’t. I need more. I need to be able to really interact with my players, staff, and the media. I need to be able to see a visual representation of what my players are doing out there on the pitch. I need to be able to play with other people, on the Internet. Yes. People. Internet. Two words you hardly know the meaning of. You have to understand, this is what I need, and we both know that you can’t provide it any more. I need excitement. I need unpredictability.

Is there another game? No, of course not. You’ve always been the one for me, Champy. I’m not going to go off with the first game that flashes me a nice set of bump-mapped polygons. It’s what’s inside that counts. Up to now, you’ve proved this point. You’re so complex, so difficult to work out, and you’re the best there is. There is nothing out there that even gets near to you. You know this, I know this. After all these years, you are still the best, don’t ever forget that. I just need something new. There’s nothing around that can provide that at the moment, but I just have a feeling in my gut that there’s something around the corner. Something that can provide me with what I need. Something that can give me a brand new experience, something that can excite me the way you used back in the olden days. This game isn’t here yet, I don’t know when it will appear, but I know that at some point it will. And I know that it will satisfy me. I simply see no need in staying in relationship that has grown stale. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but we’ve been slowly growing further apart over the course of the last few years. I think it’s best if we can just cut our losses and move on.

I’ve been in limbo for a long time about this. You still provide the most enriching game experience in the world, and I love spending time with you. It’s just that this has been playing on my mind for so long. Having finally put it all down into words I feel almost cleansed. It’s as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel free. I’m so, so sorry to have to do this. But I feel that it’s the best for both of us. I’m hurting inside, and I’m sure you are too. However deep down, I know that you know I’m right. It’s just been the same old thing for much too long. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to cope without you. I’m hoping for a clean break, but it’s never that simple, is it? I’ve met your family and get on with them well. Your Mum, SI. Your Dad, Eidos. We’re close, it’s going to be hard to cut them out from my life. I know I never really got on well with your little sister, CM Quiz, but she was special in her own little way. Such a simple child, yet still holds the trademark CM addictiveness. I’m sorry Champ, I feel so guilty. But it has to be a fresh start. A new era.

I hope with all my heart that we can remain friends. I’m sure that we’ll meet again in the future.

Stay strong,

Chris

xxx

I'd be intrigued as to whether 'Chris' returned to Champ once it got a 2D, and now 3D, engine, and also got hooked up with the internet. I guess we'll never know.

Salvation is Free

I searched for Salvation in YouTube (as you do when you're bored and looking for videos to do with the Salvation Army), and came across this song with fascinating lyrics...

These are the lyrics:

To all those people doing lines:
Don't do it, don't do it.
Inject your soul with liberty;
It's free, it's free.

To all the kids with heroin eyes:
Don't do it, don't do it.
Cos it's not, not what it seems,
No it's not, not what it seems.

Salvation, Salvation, Salvation is free.
Salvation, Salvation, Salvation is free.

To all the parents with sleepless nights:
Tie your kids on to their beds,
Clean their heads.

To all the kids with heroin eyes:
Don't do it, don't do it.
Cos it's not, not what it seems,
No it's not, not what it seems.

Salvation, Salvation, Salvation is free.
Salvation, Salvation, Salvation is free.

-------------------------------------------------

As The Salvation Army (and as Christians in general), we need to get a message out, and whilst hopefully we're not saying "don't do this, don't do that" to everyone, it's really important that we point out that the thing people are looking for is out there if you look in the right place, and is so much more fulfilling and satisfying than anyone could imagine, much much better than any drug.

And best of all, it's free!

Bradford and Leeds week - looking to next year

Straight from New Word Alive (see my other, ongoing posts), I arrived in Bradford late on Saturday and am here until Easter Sunday thinking and praying about what I'll be doing next year. One option I have is to do a course called Transform. This is run by a group of Christians, originally based in Leeds but since expanding to include Bradford. It consists of training on Mondays (theology and practical guidance such as time management), a 5-hour placement, a 15-hour placement and a part-time job.

My interview for it is on Thursday and in addition during this week I'm taking the chance to look at different places I could do some of my placements if I do the year.

I'm also looking into an organisation called Christians Against Poverty (CAP). CAP are a debt counselling service that also offer money management courses, and whilst centrally run from their offices in Bradford most of their direct work with the people in need is done in centres around the UK that are run by and partnered with local churches. They are an explicitly Christian group, partly given their name but also through the offering of prayer on their first meeting. There's no hidden agenda, nor any need for the service users to be Christian, it's just, well, if you have faith in Christ then it'd be a bit harsh to just help someone with their earthly debts and not tell them how they can sort out their spiritual debts and be set free!

CAP offer their own internship scheme, called Reach, which sees you working Monday to Thursday with on-the-job training, and then Fridays are set aside for management-based training. There are five streams (Client, Communications, Evangelism and Discipleship, IT, and Partnership) and each offers a different challenge and opportunity to help make a difference to many people's lives. Whatever happens, it's just great to find out more about the work they do.

I'll give some updates throughout the week about how things are getting on.

Someone with something interesting to say

After the Revelators gig (and hence why I got back so late) I chatted with a guy, Antun, who really had passion as he spoke, something really invigorating. He started off chatting to Marstin, telling him how distinct his sound was, how he should be pushing forward and trying to get on to bigger things, convinced of his talent. I carried on talking to Antun once Marstin had gone, and as we chatted, it became one of those conversations I wished I could record as he would reveal interesting insights one after another. He's a Croatian Chemistry PhD student, but his intelligence and interests expanded beyond this. With Marstin having pointed to God in their conversation as his source of musical uniqueness (his 'fingerprint', as Antun put it), faith was then brought up in our conversation too. We spoke at length about faith and religion, and whilst I got the impression he wasn't a Christian, and that he'd got the wrong (but understandable) picture about Christianity, some of the things he said really got me thinking.

He spoke of how you might be driving along following the GPS and knowing where you are supposed to go, following the directions you are told. But then sometimes you have to stop and think, "Is this right? Is this where I want to go?". Sometimes you have to question. Perhaps we go through life following the pattern of this world, doing what is expected of us and never thinking we might 'swim against the stream' (as Marstin might say!). Then we have to reconsider, is this where I want to be going, is it getting me where I really want to be, do I even know where I want to be, and how would I get there?

He spoke to about how many people try to be like God, and how this is what Christianity is about. I thought this sounded like trying to earn your way into heaven, and so was keen to refute this, but as I thought about it, it struck me that, yes, I do want to be like God, to be like Christ. He's my example, the one person we should measure ourselves against, as much as we'll never measure up. He elaborated, saying how we're all going at different angles, some going directly down, far from God towards the evil one, others apathetic and just going along flat. Others still go at a slight angle, trying lamely to get to God, whilst others try harder and harder still, until, perhaps, one day we're going straight up, to be just like Him. Of course, we'll never achieve that, but I want to keep trying.

Finally, he spoke about how when comparing Islam and Christianity, he felt that one was about finding power, whilst the other about finding hope. Whilst I won't comment on Islam, it struck me that he had hit the nail on the head with Christianity. You see often we struggle through life, trying to find some new way of getting by, but everything falters and our hopes are left dashed. Christ however offers us that true, everlasting hope, that we can and will be saved, if we just put our faith in Him. I'm so thankful that I can know for certain that "my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness" - and what a solid foundation that is.

What are they searching for and what's the answer they need?

I've just found one of the lab applications on Google called Google Trends. On it you can search terms to see how their popularity has changed over time and in different cities.

Having a look at 'God' there appears to be an upward trend in news articles. Also interesting is which countries have the greatest number of searches. The US up there at number 2 isn't a surprise, neither too is Australia at 3, given, amongst over things, the popularity of Christian music in the general charts. More surprising is number 4, India, and even more so the fact the number 1 is the Philippines.

What do these (admitadely limited) results demonstrate? That more and more people are interested in Christianity? That more and more people want to hear about the good news of Jesus Christ? Well a similar search for the term 'Jesus' has slightly different results. There's still an increasing trend, but it's not as pronounced. Similarly whilst Philippines are still there, India has disappeared, whilst the South American nations have made an appearance. Comparing the two makes for interesting viewing too. Peru, for example, doesn't seem to care about God, but in comparison is positively intrigued by Jesus, and a similar result is observed for the South American (predominantly Catholic) nations. Most of the other nations though, whether it be the West or nations such as India, are 'searching for God' but not for 'Jesus'.

Maybe then, whilst God is increasingly on the agenda, along with spirituality more generally, people are not necessarily turning to the Christianity for answers to their questions. Whether it be the (often accurate) negative impression of Christianity presented to many (wagging fingers rather than open arms), whether it be a lack of willingness to admit someone else is right, perhaps a longing to discover something intimate rather than something of empty ritual believing in a distant, aloof God who doesn't bother to show himself, it is clear (not just from these results) that people don't see Christ as an answer to their 'spiritual' questions.

As a Christian, in this age where people are reaching out, my job is to be honest to be open, not to condemn, only to come alongside individuals and love them, pointing to my Saviour and the man, the God I believe to be their Saviour.

Hasn't it all been said already?

Entering my 22nd year, I've been moved to start up one of these things. I've often thought people who maintain these kind of sites must be a bit arrogant, writing their blog for all to see, as though what they say is so important; what can they possibly say that can be so interesting? Well I guess I still believe that to some extent, but over the last few years I have come to one realisation that enables me to transcribe my thoughts here without feeling as though I'm being excessively cocky.

I've come to realise that there doesn't come a point when you are a certified 'life expert', a time when you have made the grade and assume the right to live life making correct choices. I first realised this when I reached 18. For me, when I was growing up 18 looked like the age of enlightenment: your parents had all the necessary experience and knew everything; authors of books, people on TV and all the others expressing their point of view knew all the facts about how things really were; and, well, all the laws and social norms were in place because of their self-evident correctness and completeness. The level of understanding that produced and sustained all this would in turn be obtained by me on my transition into adulthood.

Hitting 18 made me realise that, actually, I was no different from when I was 17, 16, maybe even a growing 10-year-old. Of course things had changed with regards to my levels of maturity and understanding, but essentially I was no more qualified to make perfect decisions than I ever had been. I was quickly learning that things aren't 'black and white'. This isn't to say that I buy into the notion that every opinion is equally valid and whatever anyone says is true ('post-modernism' I believe you call it if you are quite pretentious, or at least something to do with that). I believe truth is there and can be found in any and every situation, but it will most likely be grey.

Anyway, that's my justification for starting this blog, to add my perception on what the true shade of grey in life is. We all have a valuable contribution to make in this search and so, whilst I hope you enjoy my take, maybe you can also chip in with what shade you think it is.