The First Thought of Christmas - Is tolerance a good thing?

Putting to one side the title of this blog, and any thoughts you have about what you should say or do, read this statement and ask yourself whether you think this practice is something that should be celebrated and encouraged:

To allow something that one dislikes or disagrees with to exist or occur without interference.

Apply this statement to a variety of scenarios. The child being bullied in the playground, the X-Factor winner claiming Christmas number one yet again, the tyranny of a country by an oppressive regime, a friend who always interrupts you as you chat with others at the pub, the ever-increasing belly that pertrudes from your torso as age takes its toll on your body's metabolism.

Each of these situations will, for many people, involve things that the individual strongly dislikes or disagrees with, things that really gripes them or drives them to despair. Obviously the extent to which they do will differ, and so too the reasons why. But in each of them, how many of us would turn, look at someone shrugging their shoulders and saying "oh well, not my business", and think to themself "wow; what a guy". And yet to me it seems that to hold up as a beacon of dignity, class and humanity this value of 'tolerance' is to do exactly that.

Some would say these signs each depict somewhat contradictory messages.

Now, we only have a limited amount of time and energy from which to act and, as such, for some things we might have to say maybe it really doesn't matter. In some cases our dislike may be down to a trifling matter of taste, and perhaps on these occasions diversity of taste is something to be embraced (although arguably whilst we might be inclined to think "yes, let the masses have their way and in droves buy the latest manufactured pop mush" perhaps instead we could make an effort to introduce them to the delights of the more acquired tastes of the latest offering of our favourite Philharmonic, or our idolised punk-thrash-metal band).

The main issue, I feel, is that people mix up arguments of tolerance versus intolerance with deciding how to express that intolerance. The desires that drove a million people to protest against the war in Iraq stem as much from intolerance as those that drove the armed forces of nations to depose Saddam Hussein and conduct the aforementioned war in the first place. Of course the action that resulted from those two incidences of intolerance differed dramatically, but, nevertheless, intolerance it was. Similarly, when faced with a playground bully you wouldn't think to tolerate it, but this intolerance could, on the one hand, mean giving the boy a thump, on the other letting a teacher put him in detention to write some lines and tell him not to do it again, or alternaitvely to seek to understand why he wants to do such a thing (has he been bullied previously, does he feel isolated, are there family troubles at home?) and help him to change and improve his life and those of them around him.

Interestingly, not many of the other Times articles mentioning tolerance (see below) have such a positive view.

As you can probably tell, my inkling in response to the question I pose in the title is that tolerance isn't all it's cracked up to be, something I was reminded of when reading the leading article in yesterday's Times ('A Time for Tolerance'). The writer brings up in his article the role of tolerance within the dynamics of the established Church - something I'll return to later in the week - but it is his closing statement that really puzzles me. He says that to fight the falsehood of other people's views is not the message of Christ, but rather that it is that "we are all, as children, equally blessed and must tolerate and respect what is good in each of us". This is the same Christ that said "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me". Not really the language of someone saying "so basically do yer best and try not to annoy anyone". No, Jesus wasn't a tolerant chap, as witnessed in his turning of the tables in the temple, in the countless occasions he confronted the religious leaders of the day and, outrageously, stood up for the marginalised and down-trodden, and most importantly in how he allowed himself to be arrested, tried and executed, that he might die for the sins of the world.

Jesus could have looked at the wrong doings of people everywhere and said "that's OK", he could have let people go on their merry way, walking to their death oblivious to the consequences of their choices and actions, but instead he chose not to tolerate it, taking the one action that could actually do anything to change things and reconcile us to God. Even the nativity stories we may have read in the last few days make this clear.

So I wonder; is tolerance just the easy way out? Are we called to be intolerant of the things we see to be wrong and unjust and to make a difference? I have a feeling the answer is yes, but that still leaves the uncomfortable and much, much harder question - what are we then going to do about it?

When you get digging you sometimes hit a nerve

Someone recently told me about a group from the 1600s known as the Diggers/True Levellers. They were a group of Christians who sort to live out the principals of the early Church in Acts. At their heart they wanted small, agrarian communities, where humans and nature had an ecological interrelationship and, essentially, ownership and property was levelled out. They were seen as anarchistic, probably would still be seen that way today to some extent, and the establishment certainly weren't too happy. They made sure the Diggers were disrupted and squashed, and after around two years were disbanded.

The reaction doesn't really surprise me. I always have a little chuckle on the inside when people say we used to be a Christian country. My experience growing up at the tail end of Christendom, and confirmed in stories I hear such as these, is that when true Christianity is witness, when the Kingdom of God breaks through, the establishment (which by the definition of Christendom includes the Church) generally feels a bit threatened and gets pretty annoyed, lashing out.

Last night in my Transform teaching we talked about the Kingdom of God, and how it is inextricably linked to economy (look at Jesus' parables). When the Kingdom comes in, the poor are preached good news, and people are set free, and that needs to be witnessed in our economy too. As the financial crisis sees the old ways of doing things crumble, I feel we really need to ask ourselves whether the focus is on looking after people until the old model is patched up and ready to go again, or alternatively do we reimagine how things are done and start to bring about new ways of living (Jubilee anyone?). Ways that protect the poor, the widow and the orphan, rather than just are own self interest.

It may be hard for us to see how that can be done on a big scale, but then Jesus often did things more relationally and intimately, starting small and demonstrating the kingdom there, and then seeing it grow. Maybe we need to start small, helping transform our relationships and our communities, and demonstrating to people there is a better way, preaching the good news and announcing that a new king (instead of financial wealth and security) has arrived?

(Biblical 'true levellers': Acts 2:42-47)

Pioneers

[I wrote this about 2 or 3 weeks ago now - finally got round to posting it!]

Putting your music on shuffle always throws up a great variety of music, some you’d forgotten about, some you’re just embarrassed that you own (the music from Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth’s wedding just got an airing...??!?), and perhaps a buried classic off some such album, which you treasure and secretly hope that somehow no-one else has ever heard before. Well I’m not sure what category this fits in, but the song 'The Pioneers' from 'Silent Alarm' by Bloc Party just played out and it makes for interesting listening.

It speaks about people who are starting out something new, with ambitious goals for making a change, but knowing they are not the first to attempt such feats. "If it can be broke then it can be fixed. If it can be fused then it can be split. If it can be lost then it can be won. If it can be touched then it can be turned." Noble aims by the sound of it, and according to the singer, "it’s all under control"; "all we need is time". However, as the song continues, the realisation hits them of the challenges ahead of them. "We promised the world we’d tame it; what were we hoping for?" questions Kele, articulating the thoughts that 'pioneers' must often feel, overwhelmed by what they've taken on, and struggling to progress.

By the end of the song the band are now exclaiming that they "will not be the last", perhaps resigning themselves to the fact that whilst they thought they might be the ones to finally crack it, to change the world, they’re not going to do it. Wise to the draw that they first felt, they can see that others will attempt to take on this task in the future.

Moving to Leeds I guess there is a sense in my mind that I’m being a bit of a pioneer, and I guess I have mixed feelings about this. In one sense I’m not really doing anything new, of my own initiative. I’m helping with youth work that’s been going on for 6 years now, helping a decade-old ministry for addicts, and part of a young-but-established think-tank that is seeking to impact Leeds. But within these I have a chance to bring original ideas, fresh tweaks and potential new ways forward.

It seems to me that this pioneer lark is a mix of contrasts. You need to have the audacity to imagine big things, but know your limitations. You need to be aware of where people have gone wrong in the past, but believe you can get it 'right' this time round. You can’t be naive and think that you alone will change the world, but I believe that things I and others do can change the worlds of individuals. The lonely child coming to the club wanting some time feeling valued, the alcoholic wanting to find someone who will believe he can make it, the person walking down the street that just wants someone to smile at them once, wants someone to speak to.

I'm certainly not the first to dream about what can be achieved, nor will I be the last, and I know I can’t do it on my own, no matter how much time I have. No, it’s only by God’s grace and power that I can do anything, and so it’s to Him I look as this year commences. He’s the ultimate pioneer.

(God as pioneer: Genesis 1:1, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Revelation 21:1-5)

A new beginning

So...

I have no internet, my laptop is broken, and I'm just getting into the swing of living in Leeds, and all this has combined to mean I've not done any blog posts for over a month now...

Hopefully you'll have seen the big banner at the top of my blog with a link to a website about my gap year in Leeds, which has lots of info about what I'm doing and why. Hopefully as I get internet and a computer that works, I'll be able to keep people updated through this blog, as well as providing general thoughts, etc. that arise throughout the year. There's lots of challenging teaching I'll be picking up, plus in the everyday of doing this and that God is always speaking to me (and all of us), and new challenges are constantly arising, so I'm sure I'll have lots of things buzzing through my mind. I'll try to be selective with what I post!

Going against the grain

It was interesting to read about Shane Supple, who has decided to quit professional football at the age of 22, by the sounds of it because he was bored of it. My initial reaction, and I'm sure everyone else's, is to think "What?!?". Being paid a ridiculous amount of money (as he probably was if he was in the first-team squad for a Championship side) to do what a lot of people do for fun, with many opportunities ahead of him, seems like a dream come true. And I guess that's what people think looking in from the outside. However, as Shane himself said, "As you grow up you realise there are other things in life and to be honest, the game is not what I thought it was."

It seems that maybe life isn't just about football, but there's more to it than that. Maybe we should take a leaf out of Shane's book and, rather than just carry on doing what's expected of us, get on with finding out what it's actually all about, whatever that may cost. "People probably think I'm crazy but I'm not going to stay in the game for anyone else, I'm making this decision for myself."

Goodbye...

I found this today when clearing out some old computer games. I think I printed it out when I found it on the net, at a guess around 2001/2? Anyway, just to confirm, I didn't write it, although at the time I remember thinking I felt the same, but wasn't strong enough to take the same bold step. We did eventually make the split, and it was definitely for the best - life has certainly changed for the better. There will, though, always be a special place in my heart for it.

As you read this I will have already gone. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think we can carry on the way we are. This may come as a surprise to you, as I know we’ve been getting on well, but we have to stop this. Now. You’ve been a big part of my life for a long time, and you have no idea how long I’ve thought about this. It’s been playing on my mind for months and months. It’s hard to explain exactly why I feel the way I do. All I know is that we have to move on.

Oh we’ve had good times. Plenty of them. That time we won the Champions League with Gillingham, the 67th minute winner from Robbie Keane, I remember it vividly. Moore shoots! Frey parries it! It falls to Keane! Goal for Gillingham!!! Ah, the memories.. . but I mustn’t reminisce, they are only memories. Oh, but when I beat my mate Tom 2-0 in the FA Cup final. The look on his face! And when I spent a whole day with you, and we managed to complete the whole season (resulting in winning the domestic treble) in one day. And when you told me that the fans chanted my name after winning the UEFA Cup. And that magic comeback in the Second Division play-off final. And... and.. .oh I love you CM. Some of the most rewarding times of my life have been spent with you. I’m not denying that. It’s these good times that make it so hard for me to write what I’m going to. But it has to be done. It has to.

I mustn’t get caught up in the nostalgia. We’ve had some great times, sure. But we’ve had some bad times too. How about when we managed to get relegated from Division 1? How about when I was sacked after the first three games of the season, even though I had taken Gillingham from the Second Division to the Premiership? And how can we forget the crash of ‘98. I know you remember it too. Yes, corrupted save game file on the eve of the Champions League final. Leicester v. Lazio. We had just clinched the Premiership title, and had a full-strength side for the clash with the Italian giants. But it wasn’t to be. I didn’t see you for months after that! But eventually, as always, I came back. That’s another thing, why do you have to be so addictive? When we were seeing each other frequently, I almost entirely lost contact with my other friends. I’m sorry to bring them up, I know how you hate ‘others’, and that dreaded phrase: ‘social life’. Once upon a time, you had power over me; you began to persuade me to think like you do. I started to truly believe that going out was evil. Staying in with you was good. Looking back, maybe the crash of ‘98 was a good thing. If we hadn’t had that falling out, then who knows where I’d be? I could have no friends, no prospects, no life. You have to understand, you are not the only thing in life. I have other needs that you can’t fulfill. I need to eat, sleep, get exercise. Only now I realize that you used your charms to deprive me of my needs. You were bad for me, Champy, bad.

But why say this now? We’ve been together for over 5 years, why choose to bring all this up? Well, I’ll be brutally honest, I’m afraid that you just don’t satisfy me any more. Oh, it’s not your fault. But up to now I’ve been able to tolerate your flaws. Your possessiveness, your addictiveness, it’s been balanced out by the joy that we used to experience. But now it’s different. When I load you up I don’t feel the same sense of anticipation. When I score I don’t thrust my fist into the air. When I lose I don’t bury my head in my hands. I fear that we’ve been together for too long, and I’m getting, for want of a better word, bored. You’ve been the same for too long, and I need something new. I know how hard this must be for you. I know how hard you’ve tried to improve yourself. The player comparison, the attribute masking. You even went and got yourself a fancy DVD case. These revived us for a short time, but we both knew it was the same old you underneath. Everything around us was changing so rapidly. Ever heard of 3D graphics? Other games went and made themselves compatible with hardware. They took the leap into the unknown. You didn’t. You couldn’t. I can’t really complain, we used to be so happy. I asked myself, why fix something that wasn’t broke? Your inner beauty shone through the rough exterior, it blinded me. All I’m saying is that you were perfect at the time. 3D wouldn’t have suited you anyway. Text has always been your best format. And don’t say that you’ll change, you can’t. It pains me to say this, but you’ve been left behind, Champ. Surely you realize that we were only delaying the inevitable. The more time we spend together, the less excited I get. Everything is the same. Same interface, same engine, same system.

It’s not just this. The little things are starting to niggle at me now: the super-goalies, the last-minute goals, the absence of a decent manual, the lack of interaction. Before, I could tolerate it. I believed your excuses, “They don’t exist”, “They happen to Al managers as well”, “It isn’t needed”, “I’m not capable of doing that”. I just accepted them and played on, little did I know that you were fobbing me off every time. These little details just serve as a reminder to me that you’re just a game, and a flawed one at that. When you came into my life you blew me away. It was 1998, I was young. Your detail, your realism, your entertainment. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before. It put my previous love, CM2, to shame. But as the years have gone by I’ve moved on and so has technology. However you’ve remained the same old Champ. You’ve tried to keep up, but you can’t. I need more. I need to be able to really interact with my players, staff, and the media. I need to be able to see a visual representation of what my players are doing out there on the pitch. I need to be able to play with other people, on the Internet. Yes. People. Internet. Two words you hardly know the meaning of. You have to understand, this is what I need, and we both know that you can’t provide it any more. I need excitement. I need unpredictability.

Is there another game? No, of course not. You’ve always been the one for me, Champy. I’m not going to go off with the first game that flashes me a nice set of bump-mapped polygons. It’s what’s inside that counts. Up to now, you’ve proved this point. You’re so complex, so difficult to work out, and you’re the best there is. There is nothing out there that even gets near to you. You know this, I know this. After all these years, you are still the best, don’t ever forget that. I just need something new. There’s nothing around that can provide that at the moment, but I just have a feeling in my gut that there’s something around the corner. Something that can provide me with what I need. Something that can give me a brand new experience, something that can excite me the way you used back in the olden days. This game isn’t here yet, I don’t know when it will appear, but I know that at some point it will. And I know that it will satisfy me. I simply see no need in staying in relationship that has grown stale. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but we’ve been slowly growing further apart over the course of the last few years. I think it’s best if we can just cut our losses and move on.

I’ve been in limbo for a long time about this. You still provide the most enriching game experience in the world, and I love spending time with you. It’s just that this has been playing on my mind for so long. Having finally put it all down into words I feel almost cleansed. It’s as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel free. I’m so, so sorry to have to do this. But I feel that it’s the best for both of us. I’m hurting inside, and I’m sure you are too. However deep down, I know that you know I’m right. It’s just been the same old thing for much too long. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to cope without you. I’m hoping for a clean break, but it’s never that simple, is it? I’ve met your family and get on with them well. Your Mum, SI. Your Dad, Eidos. We’re close, it’s going to be hard to cut them out from my life. I know I never really got on well with your little sister, CM Quiz, but she was special in her own little way. Such a simple child, yet still holds the trademark CM addictiveness. I’m sorry Champ, I feel so guilty. But it has to be a fresh start. A new era.

I hope with all my heart that we can remain friends. I’m sure that we’ll meet again in the future.

Stay strong,

Chris

xxx

I'd be intrigued as to whether 'Chris' returned to Champ once it got a 2D, and now 3D, engine, and also got hooked up with the internet. I guess we'll never know.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror

I've been on holiday in Newquay this week, and whilst we were there my friend Vicky played a piece of music that was as challenging as it was catchy, and the voice delivering it was instantly recognisable. Unaware of 'Man in the Mirror', it was great to hear it for the first time:

The (condensed) lyrics are:

I'm Gonna Make A Change,

For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right.

As I Turn Up The Collar On My Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind,
Pretending Not To See Their Needs?
A Summer's Disregard, A Broken Bottle Top And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go.
That's Why I Want You To Know:

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror.
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways.
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer.
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place,
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change.

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love,
It's Time That I Realize,

That There Are Some With No Home, Not A Nickel To Loan.
Could It Be Really Me, Pretending That They're Not Alone?
A Willow Deeply Scarred,

Somebody's Broken Heart And A Washed-Out Dream.
They Follow The Pattern Of The Wind, Ya' See.
Cause They Got No Place To Be,
That's Why I'm Starting With Me.

I'm Gonna Make A Change
It's Gonna Feel Real Good!
Come On!
Just Lift Yourself You Know You've Got To Stop It Yourself!
I've Got To Make That Change, Today!
You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .
You Know-I've Got To Get That Man, That Man . . .
You've Got To Move! Come On! Come On!
You Got To . . .
Stand Up! Stand Up!
Stand Up!
Stand Up And Lift Yourself, Now!
Gonna Make That Change . . .
Come On!
You Know It!
Make That Change.

I don't know what Michael Jackson did during his life, but my sneaking suspicion is that a man who was abused by his father, thrust into the limelight at the age of six, under constant pressure to do better, to be who his family, producers, fans, and whoever else wanted him to be, is not going to live a happy and contented life. This man did not have a childhood. I doubt whether he ever felt truly loved. This song captures his simplistic, childlike ideals of wanting to make a change, wanting to see a better world; something crushed out of most people by the time they reach their 20s.

He named his house Neverland. He had a train, which he named after his mother. He had sleepovers with kids. He enjoyed going to the zoo and made friends with the animals. He made mistakes, often unaware of the dangers in life. He loved to sing and to make people happy. In other words, he was a 10-year old. I don't think (and whilst I've not got any real knowledge, it seems pretty obvious to me) there's anything more sinister to it than that (and apparently a mental health professional thought so too). Whilst I'm sure he was mainly trying to be nice, I believe that Reverend Al Sharpton was right when he said "There wasn't nothing strange about your daddy. What was strange was what your daddy had to deal with.".

And so, returning to the song - I want to see change. I want to see childlike dreams and ambitions realised, to see people imagining what the world could be like, not seeing the current limitations, and to just get on with it. And so for that to happen it's got to start somewhere, and it's gonna start with 'the man in the mirror'.

Bradford and Leeds week - Caleb

Good Friday’s outing was to a cafe which runs every Friday and is for people at various stages of giving up drink and/or drugs. Throughout the week Caleb offers community rehabilitation to a group of people that are signed up, helping them through the trials they come across. Using the 12.5 steps project (like the 12 steps process used by AA but with a forgiving others section in it), they take step after step towards being free from addiction. Chatting to the guys there, it was refreshing to see just how normal so many of them are, how they were easy to chat to, friendly and not in my mind any kind of second class citizen. Quite a few of the volunteers there had been through the system themselves and were now wanting to give something back. The woman who showed me round said she’d been free of heroin and alcohol for quite a while now, but that coming along still and volunteering were really important as it is often the boredom and lack of anything to replace the previous routine that leads to lapses. It was just so good to see how many people really enjoyed coming along, and how many people want to help out those who’d been through the same as they had.

It was made even better by the fact I won a game of dominoes, plus a bit of Easter card making was great for me to give something to Caroline and Craig as part of a thank you for having me. It was also great to see guys who might often feel they don’t have much to give their kids and relatives something, being able to create something of their own in the hope of showing a bit of love to their dearest. Have a read through some of the testimonies - it'll make you day.

Bradford and Leeds week - St. Christopher's (Maundy Thursday)

Maundy Thursday evening there was a service at one of the churches on the estate, the Anglican church St Christopher’s. We started off with a meal, lamb stew (we were thinking about Passover so it was the obvious choice...), which allowed me to meet some of the locals, and a very pleasant bunch too. We heard a few Bible readings amongst this, and then were invited to take a piece of paper and write down a list of things we wanted to get rid of in our life. Going outside, we got into groups and constructed a cross out of two sticks and some nails, nailed our lists to the cross and put them on a bonfire in the Church garden. Moving inside we had a time of worship (which included half way through a song the room being filled with a piercingly high and loud noise, followed by the whole room in silence staring at the girl sitting near the sound desk and one woman just saying “which one did you press, which one?”).

This was a really great time just to sit and reflect on the things I want to get rid of in my life. However my list always seems to be the same, full of things I say I want to get rid of but clearly never really try. I say I want to be punctual, decisive, spending more time with God praying and studying the Bible, but I don’t actually do it. If I want to be a dying Christian and take up my cross, I’ve just got to get on with it. If I hold on to these things then Christ won’t take them away. I need to cling to Christ and the cross, not to my past.

Bradford and Leeds week - RETAS

My second journey after the interview was to RETAS (Refugee Education Training Advisory Service), based in the Harehills area of Leeds. RETAS work with asylum seekers and refugees, and in the short time I was there I certainly felt as though I learnt a lot. 'Asylum seeker' is a term given to someone who comes to the UK because they are wanting to stay here to escape something back home. They are given a certain amount of time in which to prove their case and justify why they should stay and thus become a kind of quasi-citizen in the form of a refugee. Refugees are given the legal status of a citizen when they are allowed to stay on the basis that if they returned home they would be persecuted in some form – i.e. they are seeking refuge from harm. However, in the meantime asylum seekers have fewer rights and find it hard to get by, not matter how hard they try and how willing they are. Even for refugees this can be hard and in part is due to myths and negative persceptions held by potential employers.

Some of the volunteers from the centre

I was shown round by and chatted with Duncan, who was one of the original Transformers (i.e. on the inaugural Transform year – he can’t turn into a car or plane or anything like that). It was great to see the passion he had and hear about how lives had been changed through their work. Whilst they’re not explicit about their faith, the majority of workers are Christians and they offer to pray when appropriate, and so their Christian ethos really shines through and makes a difference. They offer computer training, language classes, and training in other areas that are of help, as well as helping clients to find jobs. I’m sure it’s something that, even if I don't do it for a placement, I would want to keep in touch with and recommend to others, to see some of the most vulnerable people in the UK have their lives changed.

Bradford and Leeds week - West Yorkshire Community Chaplaincy Project

After my interview on Thursday I was taken around Leeds to see a few possible placements. The West Yorkshire Community Chaplaincy Project (WYCCP) is a multi-faith charity that works with individuals leaving HMP Leeds (which accepts all adult male prisoners from West Yorkshire) in Armley, with the aim of reducing re-offending rates, and was our first port of call. They provide prison leavers with support and advice, for example with debt and finance (many leave with nothing), and are general helped to integrate back into society.

If you think about it, there are some guys that may have been in prison for years and years, and even those who’ve been in a couple of years may feel very out of touch and as though they’ve lost a lot of time. Helping them to fit back into society, encouraging them and enabling them to feel more confident about their prospects are all important things and so it was great to hear about this ministry and all it does.

Chris Heward: Late and Indecisive?

Have been meaning to write for ages. Anyway...

A couple of thoughts about my shortcomings, which have come to light once again in the last 24 hours.

My first is about not making decisions. Whilst this is often motivated from not wanting to make bad choices, I do still have to make them from time to time and hope they are the best. After finding out my housemate had planned a birthday trip to Komedia, to see Russell Howard in action, I was pretty slow off the mark. At first I wasn't sure if I'd be around, but even after that there was still time for me to book. But a few days later I found out the Cabaret section (where he and mates were sitting) was fully booked. DOH! After confirming this, and once finding out that others were going to sit in the balcony, I decided to go anyway, and then, having walked past the store earlier today and deciding to book online, about 2 hours ago I found out that now ALL the tickets have gone. DOUBLE DOH!

My second is my lateness. I don't know whether it's because people are becoming more comfortable with me, or just because it's now been going on for so long, but increasingly people have been commenting on my lateness. Then, yesterday, I met up with someone who I hadn't seen for a while, who's living on the streets. I said that if he called me later on I could check bus/train times online and maybe help him out with a ticket (as he had said he wanted to go away for a few weeks). In the intervening period I decided it was probably best for him not to keep travelling, as he said (similarly to a few ocassions previous) that he'd go away for a few weeks and then settle down in Bath, and I figured some time he had to stop doing this. He was OK with this on the phone, but I offered instead to see if I had an old phone at home I could give him to keep in touch. All I had to do was go home and then go down the soup run, some time between 7 and 7:30. Arriving at 7:34, with no phone (it was in Worthing), he had already gone. 

This guy had a pretty low self-esteem and I was the only person he really trusted. I hung around in town looking for him for a few hours, and a bit this morning too, but to no avail. He may well have moved on. And in a way I feel as though I must too, and hope he comes back, and that he forgives me, and doesn't see this as a rejection of him.

The annoying thing is, if I had only got there when I said I would, if I had only got there 5 minutes earlier, none of this would have happened.

When am I going to sort myself out?

Hello 2009

Not bad so far. Already gone for a jog and 20 (yes, twenty) push-ups, not to mention 20 (yes, again, twenty) sit-up-like things. 2009 is the year I get fit.

The plan is for a mental/physical/spiritual/emotional work out every morning.

Do a bit of Sudoku, a jog, do some praying and read a bit of the Bible, then maybe watch some Hollyoaks and experience a whole range of emotions (apathy, anger, bewilderment, disgust, indifference, amusement, despair, happiness (when it finishes)). Whether I can manage to do them all simultaneously is a big challenge but I'm willing to give it a go.

One of my New Year's resolutions is to blog about some more upbeat things as well as all the lovely deep stuff I've previously talked about. Don't worry, however - even though you may think from the beginning of this post that I'm going to go all "Today I ate a cheesy toastie - it was nice. Then I watched a DVD." on you, I won't; it will still be high-quality content.

Happy New Year to you, one and all.

A nice letter

A letter from a man who is turning his life around.

Another interesting article from the presidential election

Obama and McCain switch race in poster campaign encouraging voters to focus on the issues, not skin colour.

A 'black' day in the news

The main three stories of last night's news made for interesting viewing:
1) Lewis Hamilton becoming the youngest and only ever black Formula One World Champion.
2) Barack Obama potentially being 36 hours away from becoming the most powerful man in the world, and the first ever black man to hold this position.
3) Conflict in DR Congo and the great damage to many civilians' lives.

Each story focused on a person or group of people of black ancestry, something which they could not decide, but each with difference consequences. For the people of DR Congo, of course the colour of their skin is not an explanation for the violence by any means, but it is representative of how the plight of a people can be dependent on where they are born, not decisions they have made. For whatever reason this conflict started, it is clear that the, predominantly black, civilians of this nation are to feel the worst of this unrest, with none of it their fault.

Looking at the other two stories, we see two men for which the issue of race, whilst by no means key, is obviously a factor.

A few days prior to the final race, Lewis Hamilton was subject to racist abuse on a Spanish website, and in the run-up to the race the fact that there's never been a black champion was repeatedly mentioned.

Then for Barack Obama, the fact he is of African-American descent is inescapable. This has lead to concerns that the polls may be misrepresented with people lying to avoid looking racist - he may end up with less votes than the polls suggest. However, there is also a sense that more African-Americans will vote than usually would, as they wish to elect Obama, who they feel will represent them better than previous candidates.

Whatever the reasons, it looks clear that Obama will win, and as the Guardian picks up, this could be 'a great week in black history'.

The thing that really struck me though is that, although I don't like it when sports stories, or other things of minimal importance, are the first thing on the news, Lewis Hamilton's story highlighted something brilliant. No longer do we need to see a situation where black individuals are discriminated against for their skin colour, nor where people are looked upon favourably because of the previous experiences of blacks. Rather, the man who is the best driver in the world, and just so happens to be black, can claim the title to prove he is the best, and no one can take that away from him.

New beginnings

Although being in the education system has its downsides (before my recent break I'd done 7 years straight of exams) there are also many upsides. One is that there always seems to be the potential for a new start and to make changes. Of course we have 'New Year', but you're off for a day and then back and nothing is really any different. But with these first 20 or so years of your life there's a great big break every so often, with lots of opportunities to take hold of, meaning lives seem to alter greatly every summer, not to mention throughout the rest of the year.

And so as I approach my last year in full-time education there is another chance to look back on the summer, the past year and on changes in general, but also to look forward and think about what could be and where this next year (and the rest of my life) might lead.

So over the next few days I'll have a look back and then a little look forward of what I think this year (or so) might look like.

Not again... something needs to change

It's been a very interesting week so far with lots going on. Today I've been able to catch up with my cousin, who's coming to the end of his training before going into full service for the fire brigade. It's always good to catch up with people you haven't spoken to and this was no exception.

However, as we walked down the road to the pub, across the road there was a police van, a couple of police and tape cordoning off the street. We went in and sat down, and watched as an ambulance left, as more police arrived and as over a dozen police conducted an interview with reporters. It was obvious what had happened.

It's crazy, it really is. I don't understand it. I don't understand how people can wish to cause harm to other people, whatever the circumstances. But, whilst everyone will condemn what has happened, the trouble is that the seeds of it are demonstrated all around us. People just don't care about others, unless there is something in return for them. Cars/bikes go through red lights, because their convenience is more important than others' safety. Individuals gossip about those they know that have made a mistake or acted wrongly, because they want to be the centre of attention. Others will turn to petty crime like jumping on buses for free, taking stuff from work, or throwing their rubbish on the street, because they know they won't get caught, or they think it doesn't affect anyone.

I've heard politicians speak endlessly about how we're going to 'beat gun and knife crime'. I've been to many prayer meetings which seek to ask for an end to the violence. I've even heard politicians speak at prayer meetings and lift their prayers for an end to it all.

But this is just it. We don't get it. We want a quick fix. We want to roll out a policy, announce an amount of money that's been spent, a number of police officers that have been deployed. Or we want to spend a few hours saying prayers, asking God to intervene, seeking a divine stoppage to these atrocities. I believe policy can work, I also believe strongly that prayer works, but I also believe that this society is scarred, that it is fallen, and that the only way to bring healing to it is to live out God's standards - Kingdom values - and to change this society from its very core.

We need to start with ourselves, the choices we make and, much more than that, what our character, our essence, our very being is. When we change our heart, our actions will follow. Galatians 5:22-23 says that when we change our inner desires our life will be one of "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". That's what we need to bring about a revolution within this society. Only when we all do this, and it becomes not a chore, but the natural thing for us to do, will society begin to mend. Only then will these scenes of police officers, cars and tape be a thing of the past.

And I can't wait.