Goodbye...

I found this today when clearing out some old computer games. I think I printed it out when I found it on the net, at a guess around 2001/2? Anyway, just to confirm, I didn't write it, although at the time I remember thinking I felt the same, but wasn't strong enough to take the same bold step. We did eventually make the split, and it was definitely for the best - life has certainly changed for the better. There will, though, always be a special place in my heart for it.

As you read this I will have already gone. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think we can carry on the way we are. This may come as a surprise to you, as I know we’ve been getting on well, but we have to stop this. Now. You’ve been a big part of my life for a long time, and you have no idea how long I’ve thought about this. It’s been playing on my mind for months and months. It’s hard to explain exactly why I feel the way I do. All I know is that we have to move on.

Oh we’ve had good times. Plenty of them. That time we won the Champions League with Gillingham, the 67th minute winner from Robbie Keane, I remember it vividly. Moore shoots! Frey parries it! It falls to Keane! Goal for Gillingham!!! Ah, the memories.. . but I mustn’t reminisce, they are only memories. Oh, but when I beat my mate Tom 2-0 in the FA Cup final. The look on his face! And when I spent a whole day with you, and we managed to complete the whole season (resulting in winning the domestic treble) in one day. And when you told me that the fans chanted my name after winning the UEFA Cup. And that magic comeback in the Second Division play-off final. And... and.. .oh I love you CM. Some of the most rewarding times of my life have been spent with you. I’m not denying that. It’s these good times that make it so hard for me to write what I’m going to. But it has to be done. It has to.

I mustn’t get caught up in the nostalgia. We’ve had some great times, sure. But we’ve had some bad times too. How about when we managed to get relegated from Division 1? How about when I was sacked after the first three games of the season, even though I had taken Gillingham from the Second Division to the Premiership? And how can we forget the crash of ‘98. I know you remember it too. Yes, corrupted save game file on the eve of the Champions League final. Leicester v. Lazio. We had just clinched the Premiership title, and had a full-strength side for the clash with the Italian giants. But it wasn’t to be. I didn’t see you for months after that! But eventually, as always, I came back. That’s another thing, why do you have to be so addictive? When we were seeing each other frequently, I almost entirely lost contact with my other friends. I’m sorry to bring them up, I know how you hate ‘others’, and that dreaded phrase: ‘social life’. Once upon a time, you had power over me; you began to persuade me to think like you do. I started to truly believe that going out was evil. Staying in with you was good. Looking back, maybe the crash of ‘98 was a good thing. If we hadn’t had that falling out, then who knows where I’d be? I could have no friends, no prospects, no life. You have to understand, you are not the only thing in life. I have other needs that you can’t fulfill. I need to eat, sleep, get exercise. Only now I realize that you used your charms to deprive me of my needs. You were bad for me, Champy, bad.

But why say this now? We’ve been together for over 5 years, why choose to bring all this up? Well, I’ll be brutally honest, I’m afraid that you just don’t satisfy me any more. Oh, it’s not your fault. But up to now I’ve been able to tolerate your flaws. Your possessiveness, your addictiveness, it’s been balanced out by the joy that we used to experience. But now it’s different. When I load you up I don’t feel the same sense of anticipation. When I score I don’t thrust my fist into the air. When I lose I don’t bury my head in my hands. I fear that we’ve been together for too long, and I’m getting, for want of a better word, bored. You’ve been the same for too long, and I need something new. I know how hard this must be for you. I know how hard you’ve tried to improve yourself. The player comparison, the attribute masking. You even went and got yourself a fancy DVD case. These revived us for a short time, but we both knew it was the same old you underneath. Everything around us was changing so rapidly. Ever heard of 3D graphics? Other games went and made themselves compatible with hardware. They took the leap into the unknown. You didn’t. You couldn’t. I can’t really complain, we used to be so happy. I asked myself, why fix something that wasn’t broke? Your inner beauty shone through the rough exterior, it blinded me. All I’m saying is that you were perfect at the time. 3D wouldn’t have suited you anyway. Text has always been your best format. And don’t say that you’ll change, you can’t. It pains me to say this, but you’ve been left behind, Champ. Surely you realize that we were only delaying the inevitable. The more time we spend together, the less excited I get. Everything is the same. Same interface, same engine, same system.

It’s not just this. The little things are starting to niggle at me now: the super-goalies, the last-minute goals, the absence of a decent manual, the lack of interaction. Before, I could tolerate it. I believed your excuses, “They don’t exist”, “They happen to Al managers as well”, “It isn’t needed”, “I’m not capable of doing that”. I just accepted them and played on, little did I know that you were fobbing me off every time. These little details just serve as a reminder to me that you’re just a game, and a flawed one at that. When you came into my life you blew me away. It was 1998, I was young. Your detail, your realism, your entertainment. It was like nothing I’d ever seen before. It put my previous love, CM2, to shame. But as the years have gone by I’ve moved on and so has technology. However you’ve remained the same old Champ. You’ve tried to keep up, but you can’t. I need more. I need to be able to really interact with my players, staff, and the media. I need to be able to see a visual representation of what my players are doing out there on the pitch. I need to be able to play with other people, on the Internet. Yes. People. Internet. Two words you hardly know the meaning of. You have to understand, this is what I need, and we both know that you can’t provide it any more. I need excitement. I need unpredictability.

Is there another game? No, of course not. You’ve always been the one for me, Champy. I’m not going to go off with the first game that flashes me a nice set of bump-mapped polygons. It’s what’s inside that counts. Up to now, you’ve proved this point. You’re so complex, so difficult to work out, and you’re the best there is. There is nothing out there that even gets near to you. You know this, I know this. After all these years, you are still the best, don’t ever forget that. I just need something new. There’s nothing around that can provide that at the moment, but I just have a feeling in my gut that there’s something around the corner. Something that can provide me with what I need. Something that can give me a brand new experience, something that can excite me the way you used back in the olden days. This game isn’t here yet, I don’t know when it will appear, but I know that at some point it will. And I know that it will satisfy me. I simply see no need in staying in relationship that has grown stale. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but we’ve been slowly growing further apart over the course of the last few years. I think it’s best if we can just cut our losses and move on.

I’ve been in limbo for a long time about this. You still provide the most enriching game experience in the world, and I love spending time with you. It’s just that this has been playing on my mind for so long. Having finally put it all down into words I feel almost cleansed. It’s as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel free. I’m so, so sorry to have to do this. But I feel that it’s the best for both of us. I’m hurting inside, and I’m sure you are too. However deep down, I know that you know I’m right. It’s just been the same old thing for much too long. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to cope without you. I’m hoping for a clean break, but it’s never that simple, is it? I’ve met your family and get on with them well. Your Mum, SI. Your Dad, Eidos. We’re close, it’s going to be hard to cut them out from my life. I know I never really got on well with your little sister, CM Quiz, but she was special in her own little way. Such a simple child, yet still holds the trademark CM addictiveness. I’m sorry Champ, I feel so guilty. But it has to be a fresh start. A new era.

I hope with all my heart that we can remain friends. I’m sure that we’ll meet again in the future.

Stay strong,

Chris

xxx

I'd be intrigued as to whether 'Chris' returned to Champ once it got a 2D, and now 3D, engine, and also got hooked up with the internet. I guess we'll never know.