Goodbye 2008

When, on the 19th of September, I said that later that week I'd take a look back at the previous year, I didn't think it'd take quite this long. I would do it all in a post now, but it'd be super long, plus I guess I should do some socialising on New Year's Eve(!). Instead here are some headings, which I will elaborate on more in the next month or so (probably after my exams have finished!), that will provide some thoughts about what I've done, thought, said and been in 2008 (and cheekily some of 2007 as well...).

Things I've done

• Had my first 'proper' job
• Met a multitude of people
• Made a difference in many individual's lives
• Spent a ridiculous amount of time on the BBC Football website, even though I don't really care about football anymore
• Been deeply impacted by a lot of people
• Thought about reading a lot of books, and read none of them
• Successfully 'got over' TV and gaming (now for the internet...)
• Made some great friends

Things I've realised

• I have a lot of potential
• 'If you're good enough you're old enough'
• I worry a lot about a lot of things
• There are quite a lot of Christians out there, and there's an awful lot of theology
• I shouldn't constantly weigh others down with ALL my concerns
• God makes the big things clear
• There's a lot more to this world than we think
• It is very easy to make a difference in other people's lives
• I need to judge other people less
• I'm actually doing a pretty good job with my life
• The world is very broken
• God doesn't require that my theology has got it all nailed
• I do need to chill out from time to time (it's called a Sabbath)
• I'm loved by a lot of people
• Google is amazing
• I love a lot of people
• I need to find my identity in Christ, and not in what other people think of me, and how they act towards me
• Blogging can be good fun, and you can have some interesting things to say (sometimes)

Messages at Christmas Time

I figured I'd check out what our head of state had to say on Christmas Day and it was all quite nice, but maybe too nice. In this year's message, a more sombre mood was conveyed, to be expected given the credit crunch and all has come with it. She spoke of how through the years those that have been happiest are those "who have lived the most outgoing and unselfish lives; the kind of people who are generous with their talents or their time". The speech meanders on a bit, lots of things that perhaps you'd expect, and then she 'drops the J-bomb', as my housemate Al has so beautifully put it in the past:

"I hope that, like me, you will be comforted by the example of Jesus of Nazareth who, often in circumstances of great adversity, managed to live an outgoing, unselfish and sacrificial life. Countless millions of people around the world continue to celebrate his birthday at Christmas, inspired by his teaching."

I can't help but think it all sounds a bit 'PC'. Hopefully she mentions Him because she wants to, because she follows Him and trusts in Him. But there must be some rule or some person that is saying "No, you'll sound a bit weird, so tone it down. Make him out to be a good teacher or something, but nothing more."

What was very interesting was to see the Alternative Christmas Message, which was shown on Channel 4, controversially delivered by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran. It was actually quite refreshing to hear how he spoke. To hear a man speak so openly, with conviction, unashamedly, about God, was something that we in Britain can only dream of. Of course there are major concerns about whether he practices what he preaches in this message, and I disagree about who he believes Jesus is, but a lot of what he says I believe to be true. Only when this country, and the rest of the world, turns back to God will it start to see real solutions. There's no promise for our lives to be problem free, but be living in step with God we learn to be dependent on Him, not on our own wealth, to hunger after a deeper sense of meaning, not a larger house, and we'll be fighting to see his Kingdom come to earth, not just defending our own particular 'kingdom'.

But it does remind me of a video I came across last year of the Queen's first ever televised speech, broadcast in 1957. This has been a long post, so I won't comment any more, but I'll leave you with an almost prophetic quote from her speech:

"That it is possible for some of you to see me today is just another example of the speed at which things are changing all around us. Because of these changes I am not surprised that many people feel lost and unable to decide what to hold on to and what to discard. How to take advantage of the new life without losing the best of the old.

But it is not the new inventions which are the difficulty. The trouble is caused by unthinking people who carelessly throw away ageless ideals as if they were old and outworn machinery.

They would have religion thrown aside, morality in personal and public life made meaningless, honesty counted as foolishness and self-interest set up in place of self-restraint.

At this critical moment in our history we will certainly lose the trust and respect of the world if we just abandon those fundamental principles which guided the men and women who built the greatness of this country and Commonwealth.

Today we need a special kind of courage, not the kind needed in battle but a kind which makes us stand up for everything that we know is right, everything that is true and honest. We need the kind of courage that can withstand the subtle corruption of the cynics so that we can show the world that we are not afraid of the future."

Joy at Christmas

Getting old really does change your view of Christmas. Gone are the days of going to bed in anticipation of the stocking, of the presents, of Christmas lunch and of seeing loads of family. The magic of the stocking has gone, no-one seems to give you presents once you get to 21, family members have spouses and other places to be, plus because your sister goes to Florida with her boyfriend and his family you end up having your Christmas meal on Christmas Eve and eating Chinese for lunch on Christmas day. Things just aren't quite the same.

I now have a deeper appreciation of the meaning of Christmas (thanks in part to Dan Golding's epic text message), but even that isn't too special as it's more of a year-round thing for me. TV lost it's appeal long ago, lack of practice means my sister's guitar is joyless, and there's only so many sweets I can eat when I'm not even hungry. For the first time this break revision was actually pretty appealing. It's not that it's been a bad day by any means, it's just, well, different. I remember leaving my cousin's house last year - with the massive family in a massive house with a massive TV and a massive quantity of food - and the lyrics 'There Must Be More Than This' came into my head. And I couldn't really think of a better way to put it to be honest.

But it's in this mediocrity that I've seen how other people have faced their Christmases. I heard from one friend who received nothing, said that their dad was going to take the presents they gave him to a charity shop, and had the first meeting with their mother in many many months cancelled at the last minute. I read a blog entry about a guy I used to know really well, who when I left London was recovering from alcoholism, but now is a complete mess. Another guy I knew from London, whom I saw only last week in his nice new apartment, was in immense physical pain as we spoke on the phone today, him sitting alone in his apartment and telling me not to ask the obvious festive question as the answer would be that he wasn't. Finally I think too of the guy from my Church who I had lunch with the other day, whose wife has extremely severe cancer, meaning they face the pain of great uncertainty of what is going on, where it will will lead and what it will be like.

And it makes me realise, I take so much for granted.

The dream is not over

An interesting talk at the CU (Christian Union) meeting last night.

The key phrase from the speaker for me was that "When the President is dead, the dream is over", in reference to figures such as JFK, and also the hysteria being whipped up for Obama - the dreams these candidates can create. His suggestion was that the disciples would have felt this for themselves as Jesus, their Messiah, was crucified and in the days that followed - he was not who he said he was; the dream was over.

I thank God that he is not dead, that the dream is alive, and that the dream is a guaranteed reality.

I couldn't sleep the other night...

I've been helping out at a Bible Study in town since I came back to uni, which has been an amazing thing to be involved in, with 99% of those that come being marginalised from society in some way or other. One guy who came recently is living in Julian House (JH) currently, and after seeing him in town a couple of times in the week I was disappointed to not see him on Wednesday night. On the way home I decided to pay a visit to JH and see if he was there, and we had a chat. C is a really great guy, and you wouldn't think to look at and speak to him that he was 'on the streets'. We spoke for a while and then I left, saying I'd see him soon.

As I was leaving I spoke briefly to those sitting on the steps of Manvers Street Baptist Church, above JH. I found this really tough. Many of these people, probably between their late 30s and early 50s, were acting as though they were in their late teens, and, well, they just seemed pretty messed up. Just as I was about to leave though, I could see that one of the guys was practically (if not actually) out cold. I didn't now what to do, but, with them close to JH, and having said a word to one of the others to make sure he was alright, I left them.

On the way home thought I kept thinking "should I have stayed?", "should I go back - pray with them, chat with them, call an ambulance?". I got home and was going to bed, and really felt as though I should go back. You start to think, is that me thinking this or is God speaking to me? I think I would have gone if I hadn't had to be up early, although at the back of my mind I was thinking God'd give me the strength to get through the day.

I wrestled with it and was going to go, but didn't in the end, but I just couldn't sleep for more than 30 mins or so at a time. I don't think I felt particularly guilty, which made me think maybe it was God speaking to me, but, I dunno, I just didn't go.

It brought up two things in my mind.

Firstly, I still don't appear to be getting any better at hearing God's voice, mainly because my prayer life is pretty rubbish, and that I seem to pray more when I'm down or need things - not a good way to build any relationship!

Secondly though, it reminded me of the reason why I started this blog. You see I went to bed thinking about the prayer meeting I would lead in the morning, having in my mind Psalm 23. What a beautiful Psalm about God's protection for his children, for his flock, that he gives us peace. But as I lay in my bed, squirming at whether I was making the right choice, this didn't seem to be the picture I had. Instead I thought of Luke 9:23-24, and taking up my cross. I didn't feel particularly peaceful, and there seemed to be a tension between these two passages. But the more I thought about it the more I realised that to have the peace from Psalm 23 you need to have the commitment of Luke 9:23-24. And as I type now, I'm realising that to have the strength to do what is asked in Luke 9:23-24 we need the the protection, comfort and unfailing love of Psalm 23, as we carry our crosses through the darkest valleys.

If we expect following God to be just 'Psalm 23' we'll be too comfortable and when trials come along we'll be unprepared. But nor can we just look at the Luke passage, and expect our lives to be a joyless struggle as we follow Him.

We pick up our crosses and we follow him, safe in the knowledge that he is our Shepherd, the Shepherd who will never let one sheep go astray.

Culture Clash: Christianity and the West

Over the last year or so, as I've delved further into the Bible, the Church and the World, there've been many occasions when I've been left disillusioned about it all. Of course, I expect to be disappointed by the world as the world has a different master, but almost as often I have been left despairing about the Church, believers, and how their actions measure up against the Bible. I'm not talking about people slipping up, about having good intentions but getting it wrong, I'm talking about systematic institutions, actions and beliefs of Christians and Churches that seem to be in stark contrast to 'Biblical Christianity'.

It frustrates me how modern-day Christians can read through the Bible and mock individuals and nations for how they acted, looking down on them and making them out to be stupid, whilst sitting on their high horse. "How can you worship statues when God has shown himself so magnificently?" they say; "How can you think it is fine to sleep around and to not uphold the sanctity of marriage" think others; "How can you reject what Jesus has done and think circumcision and all the other laws are still necessary" scoffs someone else, as they open their copy of the Daily Mail, nodding in agreement with their victimisation of the poor, the alien and the downtrodden.

Somewhere along the line, Christians' beliefs as citizens of heaven have become merged with the beliefs of citizens of the UK and The West. In this series I'll try to dissect what I see as some of the manifestations of this culture clash (or more accurately the seeming lack of culture clash...) - feel free to tell me whether you think I'm right or wrong!

"May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

The title of this entry is a passage that has really spoken to me ever since I read how it is the one prayer that Jesus prayed that has yet to be answered.

I have at the same time been made aware of an intriguing situation in the Middle East, whereby six different denominations share the same building, The Holy Sepulchre, traditionally recognised as the place of Christ's crucifixion (no idea how true this is). A great story so far, but not when you consider that the reason I have heard about them is the continual rows and bickering amongst them. Most recently police had to separate Greek Orthodox and Armenian monks who were arguing about the Greeks' monk being placed in the shrine during an Armenian holy week.

Is this the face of Christianity to the world? People obsessed with ritual, about what goes here and who goes there, when and where they do things, even to the extent that the second-greatest commandment - to love others as themselves - goes straight out the window. Looking at the scenes, and what caused them, I doubt the first commandment to love the Lord their God is number one on their priority list either.

The passage this entry's title comes from is paraphrased by 'The Message' as:
The same glory you gave me [Christ], I gave them [those that follow Christ after his death], so they'll be as unified and together as we are — I in them and you [God the Father] in me. Then they'll be mature in this oneness, and give the godless world evidence that you've sent me and loved them in the same way you've loved me.

Any sensible person would look at the rows of these people and think "these Christians can't even agree with themselves - do I want to be a part of this arrogant, selfish religion?". How can you say to a non-believer that God loves them if your actions don't demonstrate this. Tellingly, and actually rather amusingly (if I didn't laugh I'd cry), the key to that building is owned by two Muslim families.

But it's easy to point the finger. I've heard so many Christians keen to stress their particular theology, to stick to their 'untouchables', placing their distinctiveness over the Church's unity. Often I want to do things my way, and if someone wants to do something their way they can do it, but not with my support.

If this Church, God's Church, the bride of Christ, is to be effective in communicating the love God has for the unsaved in this world, it must be united, trusting in the truth and love of Jesus Christ.

After all Jesus only has one bride. He is not a polygamist.

What are they searching for and what's the answer they need?

I've just found one of the lab applications on Google called Google Trends. On it you can search terms to see how their popularity has changed over time and in different cities.

Having a look at 'God' there appears to be an upward trend in news articles. Also interesting is which countries have the greatest number of searches. The US up there at number 2 isn't a surprise, neither too is Australia at 3, given, amongst over things, the popularity of Christian music in the general charts. More surprising is number 4, India, and even more so the fact the number 1 is the Philippines.

What do these (admitadely limited) results demonstrate? That more and more people are interested in Christianity? That more and more people want to hear about the good news of Jesus Christ? Well a similar search for the term 'Jesus' has slightly different results. There's still an increasing trend, but it's not as pronounced. Similarly whilst Philippines are still there, India has disappeared, whilst the South American nations have made an appearance. Comparing the two makes for interesting viewing too. Peru, for example, doesn't seem to care about God, but in comparison is positively intrigued by Jesus, and a similar result is observed for the South American (predominantly Catholic) nations. Most of the other nations though, whether it be the West or nations such as India, are 'searching for God' but not for 'Jesus'.

Maybe then, whilst God is increasingly on the agenda, along with spirituality more generally, people are not necessarily turning to the Christianity for answers to their questions. Whether it be the (often accurate) negative impression of Christianity presented to many (wagging fingers rather than open arms), whether it be a lack of willingness to admit someone else is right, perhaps a longing to discover something intimate rather than something of empty ritual believing in a distant, aloof God who doesn't bother to show himself, it is clear (not just from these results) that people don't see Christ as an answer to their 'spiritual' questions.

As a Christian, in this age where people are reaching out, my job is to be honest to be open, not to condemn, only to come alongside individuals and love them, pointing to my Saviour and the man, the God I believe to be their Saviour.

A nice letter

A letter from a man who is turning his life around.

Another interesting article from the presidential election

Obama and McCain switch race in poster campaign encouraging voters to focus on the issues, not skin colour.

A 'black' day in the news

The main three stories of last night's news made for interesting viewing:
1) Lewis Hamilton becoming the youngest and only ever black Formula One World Champion.
2) Barack Obama potentially being 36 hours away from becoming the most powerful man in the world, and the first ever black man to hold this position.
3) Conflict in DR Congo and the great damage to many civilians' lives.

Each story focused on a person or group of people of black ancestry, something which they could not decide, but each with difference consequences. For the people of DR Congo, of course the colour of their skin is not an explanation for the violence by any means, but it is representative of how the plight of a people can be dependent on where they are born, not decisions they have made. For whatever reason this conflict started, it is clear that the, predominantly black, civilians of this nation are to feel the worst of this unrest, with none of it their fault.

Looking at the other two stories, we see two men for which the issue of race, whilst by no means key, is obviously a factor.

A few days prior to the final race, Lewis Hamilton was subject to racist abuse on a Spanish website, and in the run-up to the race the fact that there's never been a black champion was repeatedly mentioned.

Then for Barack Obama, the fact he is of African-American descent is inescapable. This has lead to concerns that the polls may be misrepresented with people lying to avoid looking racist - he may end up with less votes than the polls suggest. However, there is also a sense that more African-Americans will vote than usually would, as they wish to elect Obama, who they feel will represent them better than previous candidates.

Whatever the reasons, it looks clear that Obama will win, and as the Guardian picks up, this could be 'a great week in black history'.

The thing that really struck me though is that, although I don't like it when sports stories, or other things of minimal importance, are the first thing on the news, Lewis Hamilton's story highlighted something brilliant. No longer do we need to see a situation where black individuals are discriminated against for their skin colour, nor where people are looked upon favourably because of the previous experiences of blacks. Rather, the man who is the best driver in the world, and just so happens to be black, can claim the title to prove he is the best, and no one can take that away from him.

New beginnings

Although being in the education system has its downsides (before my recent break I'd done 7 years straight of exams) there are also many upsides. One is that there always seems to be the potential for a new start and to make changes. Of course we have 'New Year', but you're off for a day and then back and nothing is really any different. But with these first 20 or so years of your life there's a great big break every so often, with lots of opportunities to take hold of, meaning lives seem to alter greatly every summer, not to mention throughout the rest of the year.

And so as I approach my last year in full-time education there is another chance to look back on the summer, the past year and on changes in general, but also to look forward and think about what could be and where this next year (and the rest of my life) might lead.

So over the next few days I'll have a look back and then a little look forward of what I think this year (or so) might look like.

Sowing the seeds of love, or of exclusion?

On Friday night a friend and I were outside our church, waiting to see if any of the guys from youth club would turn up, as it was closed this week. Having gone to see some of the guys I was walking back when I saw a woman, can in hand, pulling (presumably) her child, about 7/8, up by the hair. As the child swung for the mother, the mother retaliated by smacking her child on the face. This carried on a few times. The father, also can in hand, seemed to having nothing to say about this. With it being in the middle of the park, I was a bit taken aback, and I just stared at her for a while.

As she continued, I felt I had to at least say something. I walked over to them and, inquisitive and perhaps even smiling, she looked at me. All I said was something like "I'm sorry but..." and she told me to butt out, whilst the guy probably threatened me too. Of course it was what I expected. What amazed me though was how until I said those words she genuinely seemed to think that I could just as easily have been about to say "Alright?" or "Nice day...", as though what she'd just done in full view was perfectly normal.

The child later ran off, and then after the father followed her he came back and the rest of the family went home. I don't know where she was. I don't know if she got home. I don't know whether she wanted to go home. I don't know whether worse happens there. But I won't be surprised if, if it continues, one day she runs off and never comes back.


The Salvation Army recently released a report, 'The Seeds of Exclusion', for which interviews were conducted with many homeless people. It was found "that poor relationships with mothers often lead to antisocial behaviour throughout life". In addition, "[m]any of those affected are now themselves parents alienated from their own children". I couldn't help but wonder whether I was watching one of those seeds being sown. Perhaps the mother herself had experienced similar.


On returning home I had an interesting conversation with my housemate and his girlfriend about what I'd seen and about social ills in general. My housemate was keen to draw the line between poverty in the UK and in developing countries. He suggests that there are so many opportunities here that people are able to get out of it themselves, something those that are the poorest of the poor, living in third-world countries, simply don't have. I've often thought myself that poverty in the UK is practically optional. But what I've learnt over the last year is that the cause of poverty and other social ills in the UK is dramatically different to in the developing world. As the SA report suggests, the cause of a lot of poverty here is due to relationship breakdown. This could be with parents, but I have also spoken to people whose lives have crumbled after jobs have been lost, followed by their wife and then their kids, and eventually they're on the streets with alcohol, or worse, as their comfort. Whereas property rights, access to education and cheap credit are some of the major causes and solutions to third world problems, here it is relationships.

And that's why, whilst top-down policies may work elsewhere, they simply won't work here. If the problem is relationships you can't just give someone money. You can't just give them shelter. You can't just book them into detox. You need to get alongside them and befriend them. Show them that they are not forgotten. Show them that healing can come. Show that relationships can be forged just as much as they can be broken. X amount of funding, Y number of rehab programmes and Z new taxes and laws may look good on a list of things that have been done, but will they ever really solve anything by themselves?


So I believe relationships are key. And I also believe that it starts with you and me. We need to weed out seeds of exclusion and start sowing seeds of love.

Something a little less ordinary

I see today that a 'heavy metal monk' has released his second album.

The story makes for an interesting read, and I've got to say that there are bits where I think "Really? How can you do that?". However, I really appreciated the last few lines.

The story concludes by saying:
"While Brother Cesare always wears his traditional brown robe and sandals as a reminder that he has chosen a life of devotion to God, he is keen to distinguish established religion from faith, and from proselytising."

I think a lot of people looking in from the outside really don't appreciate this, and this is often the Christian's fault. The hear about the rules and regulations of religion, but not the abundant life that comes from faith in and relationship with God.

My Facebook 'religious views' says "turn and live", and this is a paraphrase of the conclusion of Ezekiel 18 (the whole chapter is definitely worth a read). And whilst some 'evangelicals' will say that this sounds very liberal, it is the essence of the gospel. All we need to do is live out the fact that to have true life, fulfilling life, you can only do so if you are in relationship with God and have belief in the Christ, and all that comes as a result of that.

Or as Brother Metal puts it:
"I do it to convert people to life, to understand life, to grab hold of life, to savour it and enjoy it. Full stop."

Not again... something needs to change

It's been a very interesting week so far with lots going on. Today I've been able to catch up with my cousin, who's coming to the end of his training before going into full service for the fire brigade. It's always good to catch up with people you haven't spoken to and this was no exception.

However, as we walked down the road to the pub, across the road there was a police van, a couple of police and tape cordoning off the street. We went in and sat down, and watched as an ambulance left, as more police arrived and as over a dozen police conducted an interview with reporters. It was obvious what had happened.

It's crazy, it really is. I don't understand it. I don't understand how people can wish to cause harm to other people, whatever the circumstances. But, whilst everyone will condemn what has happened, the trouble is that the seeds of it are demonstrated all around us. People just don't care about others, unless there is something in return for them. Cars/bikes go through red lights, because their convenience is more important than others' safety. Individuals gossip about those they know that have made a mistake or acted wrongly, because they want to be the centre of attention. Others will turn to petty crime like jumping on buses for free, taking stuff from work, or throwing their rubbish on the street, because they know they won't get caught, or they think it doesn't affect anyone.

I've heard politicians speak endlessly about how we're going to 'beat gun and knife crime'. I've been to many prayer meetings which seek to ask for an end to the violence. I've even heard politicians speak at prayer meetings and lift their prayers for an end to it all.

But this is just it. We don't get it. We want a quick fix. We want to roll out a policy, announce an amount of money that's been spent, a number of police officers that have been deployed. Or we want to spend a few hours saying prayers, asking God to intervene, seeking a divine stoppage to these atrocities. I believe policy can work, I also believe strongly that prayer works, but I also believe that this society is scarred, that it is fallen, and that the only way to bring healing to it is to live out God's standards - Kingdom values - and to change this society from its very core.

We need to start with ourselves, the choices we make and, much more than that, what our character, our essence, our very being is. When we change our heart, our actions will follow. Galatians 5:22-23 says that when we change our inner desires our life will be one of "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". That's what we need to bring about a revolution within this society. Only when we all do this, and it becomes not a chore, but the natural thing for us to do, will society begin to mend. Only then will these scenes of police officers, cars and tape be a thing of the past.

And I can't wait.

I've got my rights y'know!

For some reason society has decided that because we're fortunate enough to be born, we're owed some kind of debt. No-one knows exactly who owes it to us, but nevertheless, we have 'rights' and someone or something must see they are fulfilled and not infringed.

OK, I'm using hyperbole here, but essentially that's what it boils down to when you think about it, and it's been getting my back up for a while. The shift from annoyance to blogable material came this morning when I read the front page of The Times. It was with regards to David Cameron's remarks that a lot of social ills are caused be individual's decisions and actions. Or as The Times put it "David Cameron tells the fat and the poor: take responsibility". He suggests, quite sensibly, that whilst circumstance and other things beyond your control have a large bearing on your life, often personal choice has just a large an impact, if not larger (he gives an example of the decision to not exercise or to eat too much).

This fits nicely alongside the rights issue. We need to get out of this victim mentality and stop assuming that the reason we're in the mess we're is because of someone or something else, and that the solution will come, similarly, from somewhere apart from ourselves.

As I said at the head of this post, some seem to think that being born means we're owed something. I fundamentally disagree with this, but it's undeniable that every human has basic human needs. These could be listed as: clothing; shelter; food; water; heating; sanitation; education; basic health care. This should be the basis of any discussion, and so far all I have said is that they exist, I haven't said what the response should be, if any at all.

By shifting our phraseology from 'rights' to 'needs', this whole debate (including the sensible, much-welcomed discussion of 'basic human rights') becomes a lot more realistic and sensible and we can start to make real progress. It is no longer assumed that those basic requirements will be fulfilled, but there instead is a dialogue and consensus that needs to be created about what to do about these needs.

And this is the response we require: we must acknowledge that there are basic human needs, and from that we must agree, as a society, that these needs must be met for everybody everywhere in the world. This requires us as citizens to buy into some form of contract of shared responsibility to meet these needs. Of course, it may be that they are met by the individual themselves. I pay my own rent, buy my own food, pay my utility bills, etc. However, it might not be possible for some to be met by individuals themselves. I doubt whether I could have afforded my education costs, and perhaps would only have stayed for 7 or 8 years. Much more seriously, there are many in the world without access even to the most basic of needs, such as water and sanitation.

So we must agree that we'll have in place a safety net that says people will not fall below a certain level, they'll have their basic needs met, whether they're from down my road, in my country, or in the darkest recesses of the developing world. We'll rediscover the willful responsibility of paying taxes to help ensure no-one on this earth goes hungry, of giving up some time during our week to give something to those who otherwise would go without, and of taking action when we see that others need our help. We must admit that whilst I have needs of my own, others do too, and together we're deciding to ensure that they are met.

It's down to us to make this choice, only we can decide to stick up for those in need, and it's time we changed our mindset from "what can others do for me?" to "what can I do for others?".

Truth or the easy option?

I've just been to the commissioning of some new Salvation Army officers (ministers) and it was a very interesting, inspiring and challenging time, as these things often are.

But whilst these occasions are often a source of inspiration, they can often be a source of frustration too. In the afternoon meeting, in which the ceremony took place, there was a song entitled 'Dear Lord, I do surrender'. Now this is one of those songs that has a sentiment that a lot of other songs express too. "I'm giving up life and following God" the songs will say, and it makes it sound incredibly easy. I often nowadays fall silent during these songs and just try to contemplate what it means, and this happened again when we got to the second verse:

Too long at ease in Zion
I’ve been content to dwell,
While multitudes are dying
And sinking into Hell.
I can no more be careless,
And say there’s naught to do,
The fields are white to harvest
And labourers are few.

How on earth can you not be challenged by that verse? People are on their way to Hell and I'm saying I'm going to respond? That's not something to say lightly. And yet the third verse confirms:

O hear, thou God of Heaven,
The vows that now I make!

So everyone there was making a vow to give their life to God and live for him. But surely no matter what their intentions the song makes no sense. Either they're lying and they're not giving their lives to God, or else, if hundereds of people in the room and millions more who have song are telling the truth, then the 'labourers' really aren't that few.

I suppose what I'm saying is that for our songs to have any meaning, we have to think about what we're singing and be honest in what we proclaim. It's easy to go along with the crowd, but harder to stand there and say "you know what, I don't know if I'm actually ready for this yet". I'm really hoping that the Church will rediscover a deep longing to proclaim truth (even if it means making ourselves look like 'bad Christians') and not just do what's expected. If we're content with anything less than truth, if we're content with not being challenged, 'content to dwell', then we won't be changed, and neither will this world.

Why the name?

Thought it'd be good of me to explain the title of this blog.

The main title essentially describes how I'm trying to work out and uncover what is true in life. Truth is everywhere and it's just waiting to be discovered. I recently read a book called 'Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell. In it, amongst other things, he speaks of how if he sees truth anywhere he'll claim it for himself. Writing as a Christian, he believes that Christ is the way, the TRUTH and the life, and yet he describes how he can look at, for example, the practices of some groups of Muslims in Turkey (rather than getting a mortgage they build their homes bit by bit to avoid accumulating debt) and claim that 'truth' for himself. God created this world and is in this world, he figures, and so truth isn't limited to just what the Christians say, what Church says, or even what the Bible says, but can be found in the world around us. So this blog is an attempt to seek out truth in the world, and I'd like it if you can join in too, by commenting on my posts.

The sub-title perhaps needs more explanation. Let me say first of all that this isn't an announcement that I have a terminal illness. It's inspired by many thoughts I've had over the last year or so. Firstly, I remember seeing the title of a song by Muse, 'Thoughts of a dying atheist', and wondering how much those thoughts would differ from those of a dying Christian. Would the Christian have more of a sense of hope, or one of confusion, as to why this was happening to them? How would I feel if I was dying?

But this phrase has taken on a whole new meaning to me. Since I became a Christian, in the true sense of the word, (when I was 17/18) I've been learning more and more about who God is, who the man called Christ who walked the earth was, and what God wants for and from me. I've learnt of his love, of his forgiveness, of his mercy, but whilst some seem to say that all you need to do in life is believe, I see in the gospels and in the books that follow that being a Christian was, and is, much more than this. To be a Christian, you have to die. Now for some this has meant physical death as a result of their choice to follow Christ. But for all it means 'dying to the sinful nature' (i.e. stopping doing the things that are not good, are not what God intended), turning around, and living in God's ways. Death was implied by Jesus when he said "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me", as the cross was what Jesus carried on the way to his execution. So what does it mean to die in this sense? And what does it cost me? The important answer to this comes from Paul, a man claiming to have had a vision of Jesus after his death (one that made Paul blind, and caused a massive humbling and about-turning in his life). In one of the letters Paul wrote to the early Christians, many of which made it into the Bible, he says "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain". But I want a deeper sense of what this 'death' means. Am I dying? Am I dying as I write this? Was I dying this morning but then made a few choices which brought me 'back to life'?

So it is from these thoughts that I start this blog, in the hope that this search for truth by a (sometimes) dying Christian will bring me, and maybe others, something closer to an answer.

Hasn't it all been said already?

Entering my 22nd year, I've been moved to start up one of these things. I've often thought people who maintain these kind of sites must be a bit arrogant, writing their blog for all to see, as though what they say is so important; what can they possibly say that can be so interesting? Well I guess I still believe that to some extent, but over the last few years I have come to one realisation that enables me to transcribe my thoughts here without feeling as though I'm being excessively cocky.

I've come to realise that there doesn't come a point when you are a certified 'life expert', a time when you have made the grade and assume the right to live life making correct choices. I first realised this when I reached 18. For me, when I was growing up 18 looked like the age of enlightenment: your parents had all the necessary experience and knew everything; authors of books, people on TV and all the others expressing their point of view knew all the facts about how things really were; and, well, all the laws and social norms were in place because of their self-evident correctness and completeness. The level of understanding that produced and sustained all this would in turn be obtained by me on my transition into adulthood.

Hitting 18 made me realise that, actually, I was no different from when I was 17, 16, maybe even a growing 10-year-old. Of course things had changed with regards to my levels of maturity and understanding, but essentially I was no more qualified to make perfect decisions than I ever had been. I was quickly learning that things aren't 'black and white'. This isn't to say that I buy into the notion that every opinion is equally valid and whatever anyone says is true ('post-modernism' I believe you call it if you are quite pretentious, or at least something to do with that). I believe truth is there and can be found in any and every situation, but it will most likely be grey.

Anyway, that's my justification for starting this blog, to add my perception on what the true shade of grey in life is. We all have a valuable contribution to make in this search and so, whilst I hope you enjoy my take, maybe you can also chip in with what shade you think it is.